Rough Draft w/o comments: Berg_Task3_RoughDraft
Rough Draft w/ comments: Berg_Task3_Revision by John
I felt that the most success I had in my essay was the source connection–linking my primary and secondary sources in a web, finding relevance, etc. John commented multiple times that my connections were pretty good. One of the sources he applauded was the clan war observation, where I identified a ladder hierarchy, something described in one of my secondary sources. I feel this is essential to my paper since, if it was not present, I would have no relevance and thereby no research basis.
My most unsuccessful part was possibly my CARS model, as it was a foreign concept to me. It was hard trying to follow the format without giving away what I was going to talk about, or even to summarize my sources without being too irrelevant. I plan on revising the introduction to make the CARS model steps a little more identifiable and more fleshed-out, because if I don’t then my audience would be lost.
I specifically needed to know Kain and Wardle’s “activity systems,” since it was my framework for communication within my chosen community. I used their “activity systems” and “activity theory” to identify what parts of my community were effective. The primary characteristic of my community was described in one of the listings by Kain and Wardle as “human interaction,” so there is another term that proved to be essential.
Most of John’s feedback was extremely helpful–there were random comments and some lighthearted name-calling that was simply fluff. His primary feedback was focused on my organization of information and the clarity of the subjects I was discussing. For example, his comments on my introduction were not just simple short congratulations like “good job,” they were inclusive of corrections I needed, such as “Save this for your CARS move #3 where you identify the purpose of the essay.” In the end, I had revised much more than I had when Dat and Amy were my review partners; without John’s feedback I don’t think my essay would have been as effective.
I think the introduction, after some further revisions, will be the most beneficial (mostly because it’s a copy-paste to the next task) since it will set up the structure for the task. Maybe the second most important would be the cited sources, since I do need to make a references page for my APA–unlike most of my colleagues who have chosen MLA, but I find it easier to use APA–and I will need the in-text citations for, well, in-text referencing.
Final Draft: Berg_Task3_Final
Final w/ Revisions: Berg_Task3_Revised
The annotations really helped in the development of my CARS model in that they assisted in setting the tone of research by providing general discussion over my chosen topic. Since I chose learning and communication in an online forum-based environment, I was able to literally create a research space (CARS) and set the tone for Task IV.